i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
