I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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