roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
