Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
