my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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