and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
A bitchslap is in order.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
