I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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