how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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