I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish you could order shots online.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
