dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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