we should wear snuggies to the strip club
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
