so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
