ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
