Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
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Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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