I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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