Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
