She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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