I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
