don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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