what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
