i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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