just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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