genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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