Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
