i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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