guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
