All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
