So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
