SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
