The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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