I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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