So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
