I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
