I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
