and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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