those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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