I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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