I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
