It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
