If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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