it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Oh god it's open bar.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
