So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
