Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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