So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
