there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
