We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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