Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
