That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.