I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
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I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?