1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
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After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
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Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.