jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.