I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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