My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.