What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.