I love black thongs
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
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