Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
