i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
