dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
