i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
