Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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