nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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