Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
