Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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