i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
