last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
