Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
