Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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