Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
