You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
