OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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