covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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