I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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