So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
