The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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