I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
