and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
