Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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