You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
