I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
