is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
