Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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